10 Signs You Are A People Pleaser And How To Stop
People pleasing has been my default personality for the majority of my life. I’ve always been that person who wants everyone else to be happy, no matter what I wanted. To be honest, I actually didn’t even consider what I wanted most of the time.
You may be thinking, isn’t that just being nice? Sure, sometimes but not when it is at the detriment of molding yourself into what everyone else wants while denying yourself.
What Exactly Is A People Pleaser?
People pleasing isn’t just being nice. Merriam Webster defines a people pleaser as “a person who has an emotional need to please others often at the expense of his or her own needs or desires”.
10 Signs You May Be A People Pleaser
When asked what you want to do, you always defer to others.
You stay quiet when you disagree, even when it infringes on your values and beliefs.
You are afraid to show up as your authentic self, even with people close to you.
You are often involved in one-sided relationships.
You don’t have any personal goals that are only tied to your desires.
It’s nearly impossible for you to say no, even when you really want to.
You feel guilty and responsible for everything.
People just assume you will do things for them, without even asking.
When you are upset, you will not express it for fear that people won’t like you anymore.
You avoid conflict at all costs.
So Now What?
The first step to changing a behavior is by awareness, the second is acceptance and the third is action. If you resonate with the signs above, it’s probably time for you to start doing some assessments.
You may determine that there are some relationships that are in need of some re-balancing. My advice is to start small. Your friends and family are likely going to be a little taken aback when you start putting up some boundaries.
One of the super small things I started with was actually saying where I wanted to eat when a friend would ask me where I wanted to eat lunch. It may sound ridiculous to some people, but this was a HUGE deal for me. The next step was actually telling them I didn’t want to eat the place they picked! I know, I know but I was really bad when I started this journey.
It’s a little embarrassing to admit that I had to start this basic, but I want to share in case others are in the same place.
I hope this helps! I would love to hear how you have been working on your people pleasing. Comment or send an email to erin.k.moody@gmail.com.