If you look at any of my social media feeds you may think I am extremely confident and extroverted. 

The truth is, at this stage, I am 100% more of both of those aspects than I was two years ago. 

Another truth is, I wanted to start posting positive posts and start a blog two years before I actually did! Like obsessively thought and talked about it without doing anything. 

I am what is considered an ambivert but I am that way because I so desperately want to help people. I always thought I was a big introvert and identified as an INFJ. The truth is, I think I was just very self-conscience. I actually love time alone but through the pandemic have really learned I become very restless if I don’t have some sort of interaction with others outside of my house. At least a few days a week. I found out I need that connection with people and I have heard the same with some of my other introverted friends. 

What held me back from starting?

Probably the same thing that is holding you back from your goals. 

I was so scared that people would think I was stupid. That I was being “too out there”. I was scared that people would post negative comments. Side note: they did, but WAY less than I imagined. 

I was worried that if I started posting and didn’t achieve my goals, people would make fun of me. 

When I finally started, it was to promote my podcast. It was me being authentic but I was still scared to put my face out there. 

Then I noticed the posts that did the best had my picture. I realized that putting my picture out there wasn’t narcissistic, it helped people connect with me the way a quote couldn’t. So now, even if I don’t feel like taking a picture, I do because I know it will help more people see what I am posting, which can help them learn what I am learning. 

Some people may still talk badly about me, but I know it has more to do with them than it does me. 

What Kept Me Going

I started to see some traction on the things I was posting. Especially once I started meditating and just saying the things that I felt. I moved from starting with someone else’s quote and expanding to writing my own. I stopped caring about what the “marketing” process was and just said what I thought.

The honest thing is I failed in my initial goal to be a professional podcaster and entrepreneur. I realized in my year-long exploration that it wasn’t actually what I wanted. But what I did realize is that I have the ability to help others change their lives. I don’t want to be a coach. I have tried it twice and it just isn’t for me. I continue to post because I want to inspire people to TRY. 

If I had never tried to do what I so desperately thought I wanted, I would still be doing the job/career I didn’t want. I would still be in Employee Relations/HR where I had immense anxiety because I had a conflict with always doing what is right but also doing what’s best for people. When you work in this industry it’s not always black and white.

Posting helps me give back. It helps me do what I love. When I was reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, I quit because it annoyed me. But it was because she was saying what I didn’t want to hear. When you make your passion something to pay the bills, it ceases to become your passion. I am a bit of a stubborn person, so I only know she is 100% right because I tried to do it with the podcast and writing.

What I’ve Learned

Spend time with those you love. Live in the moment and be grateful for all you have. Keep your day job while you work on your passions unless they are in conflict. I worked in an environment that I felt was impeding my podcast and blog. In hindsight, I was probably making assumptions.

What I realized once I quit and spent a year exploring everything I have ever wanted to do, was that I just wanted to go back to corporate recruiting. This was my job 5 years ago and one I had tried to get back into before, but not hard enough.

Be true to yourself though. With my personality, I had to give it a full year. Now I am totally sure of what I want to do. I wouldn’t have got there without the experience. Maybe you are like me, or maybe you don’t need that extreme. Spend some time with yourself to understand what you need, then take the action.