How To Finally Start Thinking For Yourself

Do you make most of your decisions on your own? Or do you need constant validation? If you struggle with people pleasing, it’s a good bet that you have trouble making decisions. You have been programmed to think of everyone else’s happiness, so making your own decisions seems unnatural - even selfish.

While it can be seen as noble to take everyone else’s feelings into consideration, it leads to resentment and ultimately a loss of self.

This is where I found myself a few years ago. Totally unfulfilled and being taking advantage of in friendships and work and not liking my job. I had quit corporate a year earlier to pursue freelancing and my own business, but only lasted two months. I was scared I wouldn’t succeed and wanted my family to be happy. Even though it wasn’t what I truly wanted, I caved. So it’s no surprise that about 6 months in I was ready to quit again!

I was making plenty of money, I enjoyed my co-workers and didn’t hate what I was doing in Human Resources. But the same things that bothered me before were still there. For me, I wanted complete freedom in my day. I had flexibility in where and how I structured my day for the most part, but I still had a boss looking over my shoulder.

I realized that I would never be happy in corporate America. I needed total autonomy to be happy and I needed to be working toward a goal I was super passionate about. Human Resources at a bank just wasn’t it for me.

I did end up quitting again in May and haven’t been happier in years. It got me thinking why in the world I went back in the first place? I am at peace with not making as much money as I used to. I am in touch with my goals, for me not for anyone else.

Ultimately I had to make a decision completely and totally by myself. Knowing so many people would question me and be frustrated by my decision. I didn’t get there overnight, believe me.

To begin with, I had to get clear on what I wanted. I did a ton of personality and career type quizzes to determine what I would do. Through quizzes like 16 Personalities, 123 Test and Princeton Review I realized I have a high need for autonomy and a sense of purpose/helping people. Recommendations were mainly writing, teaching and psychology for ideal careers.

I resonated the most with writing after also planning out my ideal day. I am intrigued by psychology but the idea of meeting with people all day and hearing their problems seemed very draining. I am an empath and introverted, so while I love helping people I tend to get very emotionally invested. I was afraid that if I went into a counselor/psychiatry route I would get burnt out pretty quickly.

I have been interested in teaching college for some time and I also love the idea of having my own website and becoming an expert in digital media. I also had a dream to get a degree from the University of Florida. I decided I would get a part time job that was flexible in hours and remote while also getting my Master’s in Digital Media from UF. In addition, I would continue with my podcast and hopefully learn some things to help it grow in my courses.

The Biggest Hurdle

Once I figured out what I wanted to do, the solution was clear right? Uh no. I am married with a 16 year old and I was also the breadwinner. So quitting my job was not something my husband was thrilled with. I also knew my parents would be concerned and my friends wouldn’t understand.

Some people may think - who cares? But for a recovering people pleaser this was a major roadblock. I knew I would figure it out and all the bills would be paid for, but the knowledge that others would be doubting me was huge.

Ultimately I had to go with what I knew internally was the right thing for me. I was confident in my ability to succeed. But also I knew I wouldn’t need as much money if I was living the way I wanted to.

It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but it was what I had to. I knew that if I didn’t do this for myself now, I would be living a shell of a live going forward.

It was challenging, but luckily it worked out in the end. I am not exactly where I want to be, but I am well on my way. The best part is that I am so happy and at peace.